Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
