i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
