i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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