Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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