i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
