was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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