I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Even my vagina gasped.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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