I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
