WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
