dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
