i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
