i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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