I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
