I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
