ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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