no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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