Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
