The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
