Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
