i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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