oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
