Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
