About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
