He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
