he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
