you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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