I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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