Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize