just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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