You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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