you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
