Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it glows. i had to have it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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