I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
