your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
