He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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