i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
