we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
