i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We need a shit load of segways right now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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