i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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