how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
