planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
