worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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