(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
