Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win