He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
