Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
