Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

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  (617): Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased http://tfl.nu/sw63
  Replies (19) Good night (3750) Bad night (898)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence

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  (303): And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open? (1-303): That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence http://tfl.nu/qwl7
  Replies (8) Good night (2464) Bad night (658)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.

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  (612): no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship. http://tfl.nu/tdmr
  Replies (37) Good night (7657) Bad night (1261)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

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  (386): The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance http://tfl.nu/iqmo
  Replies (17) Good night (5358) Bad night (1527)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.

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  (801): First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up. http://tfl.nu/q6w0
  Replies (8) Good night (2950) Bad night (968)
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  (510): View more from California

  You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink

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  (510): You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink http://tfl.nu/uf46
  Replies (3) Good night (2897) Bad night (842)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.

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  (214): Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point. http://tfl.nu/okg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1681) Bad night (948)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.

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  (219): Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills. http://tfl.nu/rh2h
  Replies (5) Good night (2650) Bad night (750)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.

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  (410): You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers. http://tfl.nu/ew7x
  Replies (6) Good night (720) Bad night (1690)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man

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  (604): never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man http://tfl.nu/2zew
  Replies (8) Good night (1536) Bad night (443)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"

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  (631): I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path" http://tfl.nu/xcvb
  Replies (14) Good night (1530) Bad night (485)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.

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  (701): I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control. http://tfl.nu/z8ao
  Replies (4) Good night (527) Bad night (357)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party

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  (732): Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party http://tfl.nu/r6wq
  Replies (0) Good night (685) Bad night (316)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.

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  (804): I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together. http://tfl.nu/pd1t
  Replies (2) Good night (626) Bad night (327)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.

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  (216): If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh. http://tfl.nu/ymc8
  Replies (1) Good night (319) Bad night (219)

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