I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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