I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
