Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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