Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
