It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
