I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
