Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
