my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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