i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
