I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
