I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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