Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't put those talents on a resume
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
