I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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