I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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