i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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