when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
