I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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