I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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