It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
