found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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