so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
