Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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