last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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