You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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