Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize