wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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