Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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