this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
