Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
