During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
