I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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