i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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