Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
