and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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